|How did I get here?
||[Jan. 3rd, 2011|04:17 am]
Well, the year ended better than it started. I'll never understand for sure why things had to go down the way they did, but I don't regret it. I am with someone who loves me as much as I love him. Instead of being the one who cared more. I am not putting myself through hell, over someone who could care less anymore. I am starting to be able to be whole without the other person. I can see now that it wasn't just me. Also, I now realize that I will never really know if I had done things differently if that would have made a difference. It could have made it end earlier then it did. Knowing that eases the pain, for some reason. I know that the relationship with my brother is stronger than either one of us realized. My father continuing his relationship with my stepmother, will one day be the end of ours. I know that by knowing that, it still wont help ease the pain, when it happens. The best thing I have realized is, I have a man who would do anything for me, and I him, as well as friends that are my heart. I am excited for the up coming months. (knock on wood) I will be finishing up at Bucks, moving in with Will, and going somewhere awesome as a graduation present from my grandfather.For the first time in a long time,I feel good. I feel like I have accomplished some very important things, and that I will continue to do so. I still feel the sadness at times. I wonder if it will ever really go away, but I know that it doesn't define me. My New Year's resolution is, to start facing some more fears.~