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Stuck - Samantha [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Stuck [Sep. 13th, 2010|01:05 am]
[Current Location |home]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |nothing I have a huge headache]

Well, summer is officially over. It wasn't a bad summer. Minus the whole getting hit by a car at the start of it. Made it to the shore, got to go to Robin and Lisa's annual Hershey park thing, a couple of bbq's, ate at the melting pot, fun Phillies game, went up to the mountains, road trip to Kansas, and a lot of other awesome stuff. Now, I am back into full time mode at school. Taking three math related courses, and one psych course. Trying to get my butt to go get my license by spring. Things are good for the most part. However, there are some set backs in my life. One I am finding myself getting scared to cross the street. When I hear a car or see it coming towards me I freeze up. I thought it would go away, but its not. I continue to make sure I don't avoid this fear, because I do not want it having any sort of control. Set back two, after six months I find myself still holding on. I thought I would be a lot further along than I am. Like everything I am moving on very slowly. Its sad when many people tell me I am better off, and a part of me still wants to try again. I couldn't even say why I do at this point. In addition, I know if the unlikely hood of it working even if there was a mutual concern to try again. Stupid mind doesn't let anything go lightly. It just re-visits everything over and over again. Good thing I have not claimed to be sane in a long time. Its just I miss a certain sense of security I once felt. Now, all I feel is stuck. I am moving on, but I am carrying additional weight. I know I need to let it go, but once I do its gone forever; and I guess I am not ready for that. I feel I have rambled on long enough for now. In other strange news I find myself oddly liking my stat class, and my econ class. Who would of guessed I would ever like two courses based on numbers. I think I just need to focus on school, friends, and select family members. That might help me not to think of this particular subject so often.~