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Doesn't matter what I know - Samantha [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Doesn't matter what I know [Jul. 15th, 2010|02:19 am]
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I am so very tired. Its been months of this pain, that wont go away. No matter how many times I go over it, I can't seem to get past it. Every time I think I am moving forward something(me) pulls me back. I remember it all, and I have no idea what to do with any of it. No matter how many times I tell myself its over, no one else cares but you, I still can't seem to accept it. I don't understand why I am holding on. I know there is nothing there anymore. I know it would take a miracle for there to ever be a chance there. It makes no sense why it still hurts so damn much. What adds insult to injury is I know I am alone in the pain, the other party has moved on. I wish I was doing the same. I try and I get so far, but then I find songs on my I-tunes that remind me of three years ago. When I use to here these songs day after day, and how this one song would get stuck in my head. A smart person would delete these songs, but as sad as they make me, I like the memory. Sick doesn't begin to express me. I think my problem is I seem to want two different things at the same time. I want to move on, but yet I want it back at the same time. I know you cant move on, until you let go of what you are moving on from. So in other words I am screwed for now.(What else is new) A smaller thing that is sadly bothering me is, I can't remember the name of the one song. All the songs are under P. Oh well, moving on to another topic. I started my superheroes class, and its going well. I got to take my dad to a Phillies game for fathers day. Also, got to see Robin and Lisa for their anniversary. Been having more anxiety than normal. I keep waking up in panic, and not remembering the dream. Although, the ones I do remember suck. I keep having ones were a tidal wave takes me in, and I can feel myself drowning. In August I am taking a road trip to Kansas with my Dad, and brother. I think the song title had something to do with the word Jacket?...that's it for now.~