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Something inside... - Samantha [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Samantha

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Something inside... [Jun. 12th, 2010|07:10 pm]
Samantha
[Current Location |home]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |mix]

For all intensive purposes I should be content, or dare I say happy. I hate when I can't figure out what's wrong. I have no idea why I keep getting panic attacks,why I keep getting sick, why I can't eat, or why my sleeping pattern is even worse. For awhile I thought it was getting hit by the car, and being incredibly uncomfortable in the cast. Now, it's been three weeks, and the cast is off. I also thought it might be because I am incredibly angry, hurt, sad,confused, and apathetic at what went down/ is still going some what going down with someone I use to be close with. I know that all that is most likely part of it, but its not all of it. It's just the part I can actually identify. It just seriously ticks me off, because I feel like I am bitching about nothing. For all I am aware of it is mainly over nothing. Apparently I am just not allowed to have too much free time, or I go more insane. I hate the feeling that its simply me. I hate feeling like no matter what there will always be a part inside that is either damaged, or missing. Sometimes I don't think I need this part, but then I feel like this. Jesus Christ! Why can't I ever just be? Why can't I seem to allow myself to just be content, or dare I say happy? For the most part I am, but there is just always this tug every now and again that reminds me. Anyway, this weekend didn't really turn out the way I had planned. Yesterday, people where suppose to come over and go swimming. Instead I got into a fight, and cried my eyes out. However, the night was a lot of fun. Rachel came over, and once Will got there we went to Target. They got bathing suits, so now they can swim with me. Later we went to Tako.(Which is always awesome) The night ended at Nikki's. I love seeing Jacob. Today's plans got shot down as well. I was really looking forward to going to Pride, but Lisa got sick so what are you gonna do. Besides its been raining all day. Plan B got ruined as well.(I can't win) I tried to get people to come over and go swimming, but then it down poured. However, once again not all was lost. Stoner and Charlie came over. We went and got food, and then did some gambling. I swear I will get to go swimming this week! One huge plus is that the doctor cleared me for my foot. Which means no restrictions or physical therapy. I laughed when he told me not to run any marathons. If he only knew how slow I was before the broken bone. I think I am just going to wing everything this week, and hopefully I'll end up pleasantly surprised. Some good things going on are Steven and I are speaking again, and I am going with him and my dad on a cross country road trip at the end of August. Will and I celebrated our two year anniversary in style at the melting pot. It was incredibly expensive, but oh my god it was so worth it. He gave me a promise ring. Which I know sounds old school, but I love it.I got a new tattoo, its the super Mario star. (my nerdness knows no limits) Nikki and Phil will be celebrating their one year at the end of the month.( I love my old married couple) Rachel got a job that is paying her a lot of dough. See this is what I mean life is good, and yet I still have this nagging tug going on. I am excited for summer two to start. I am taking a course devoted to superheros. Come on, how awesome is that? Well, I feel this journal is long enough. I am going to wait for my baby to come over. Till my next bitch session.~
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