|Flight or Fight?
||[Apr. 27th, 2010|06:28 pm]
My life seems to make less and less sense. I lost two very important people to me in the past year and half. One never gave a shit, and the other I drained. I don't feel so lost without the one who never cared. I miss him, but I realize now that I was nothing more than an obligation to him. The other one I miss terribly, and can't help connecting everything to her. It drives me nuts a lot of the time, how much connects to her. I find myself wondering whether to move on, or to give up. I hope to reconnect with her, but am scared that isn't what she wants. Old wounds seem to be resurfacing as well. The other day my father and I got into a fight. In which he admitted that I am not part of his family. I've known this for years, but for some reason it still hurt. By the end of next fall I "should" graduate from bucks, and start at Temple. I say should, because I am not doing great in two of my classes this semester. I find it hard to retain information, or to care. Seriously, it feels like the only thing keeping me going; is so I get my monthly check. I honestly care very little about anything these days. I find myself lost, and without any real purpose. It would be nice to get away, but I have no one to get away with. I am looking forward to a trip to Wildwood, that I am taking with some friends. However, no offense but its still Jersey. I wake up everyday with this sinking feeling. The best part of my day is when I get to daydream about the things I want. The saddest part of my day is, when I realize these things may never happen. The only outlet I have is the gym. I don't think I have gone so much to the gym, as I have in the past two months. Well, enough of this bitching. Back to doing more homework.~